Jazzi Unplugged ..!

So ... it has been a long time since i've wrote something meaningfull ..
doesn't mean what i'm gonna write is meaningfull

"What have you learned from your life ???? "
"Do you feel happy for how it turned it out ?? "
"How are you gonna plan out for say .. next 2/3rd part of your life ?? "


these are like some of the questions that pose in front of me ...!
and all i need is some faithfull and realistic answers to these ..!

Soo .. Qno1 ) Lessons that lyf has taught me ..!

***  I'm never a person to judge anything ....! ***
all I can do is get to know how people will react .. and that's it..
rarely have my judgements turned out to be correct ..!

*** Things will change only if you are blessed with the gift to forget the same things that u really wanted to change  ...! ***
I'm talking about memmories..  It seems i've moved on ... all i'm able to recollect are those i've written in this blog and the magazines....!! .. yesss I've mooved on..!
But it has this  adversities.. i tend to forget the small incidents that are insignificant in the short run but rather really important in my long run ... i meant people who have really helped me.. but i coudn't or i didn't get the opportunity to return the favour back ..!

*** No matter what a smile or a good laughter on others face is the best gift i can get ...! ***

Written may be two years back (some where in 2015)

Things i did in past 5 months starting from april 18,2014.

• An HRM software- Specifically ICE HRM software. i didn't make it though but i customized and gave it to someone who was special for a long time, and u know what.. i got adichu kittals..:D :D She said "okie.. thanks for your help, i got help from some other so thank you for wasting time helping me".I was like "wooow things can't get better than this .." Any way glad that it happened that was a much need fullstop after endless number of commas and semicolons. This happened in the month of april and i wasted 4 days for it, but hey thanx to that i happened to learn a bit of php from this episode.
• Soon It happened to be May. (definitely may comes after April) It just happened my internship actualy began in May, the target was 100 companies in 1 month and make them fill a questionaire. simple thing..:P phew.. but the tougher part is that i need to get either seal or visiting card from them. Well i planned this job and by may end i happened to cover my target with 102 companies. but then came the next adichu kittals, "My manager asked me how many manufacturing companies are their in my list ? and asked me to get the details of 10 manufacturing companies" and yeah .. i did it.. 10 companies in 2 days.. But trust me it hurt me badly both mentally and physically coz I became even darker ..:P  
• Next thing, My Guide was harish Sir, yes..! so u can expect how hard it might be to get him impressed. i finaly did that he was satisfied with my report. I literaly had a tough time surfing through the internet to get details about the company for which i did Summer Internship STELLAR DATA RECOVERY. 

At times u dont have any directions. I don't know whats happening around me. May be at times i get the feeling that i get things that i dont deserve. So now i'm the co-ordinator of Rajagiri National Business Quiz -2014 which i definitely feel is not deserving for me . I hate being in the spot light. i hate when people look up me for direction. I'm never a good leader. I don't think i could ever be a good leader.

May be i think i'm burning out ..! For the first time in past 2 years i feel i'm running short of self motivation.
I can't let my friends down. I need to ensure that they get whatever things they deserve.

All i wanted was a little world of mine. clearly its not the state of mind that i have right now.

One thing i hate the most is PHONE CALLS .. ! and i'm in such a postion where in i'm forced to make phone calls..!

fuck me .. i have no idea ..

may be the failed inaugration cermony of campion-11 is still in the back of my mind ..!
i was a total failure over there. The image still lingers around my mind ..!

yep .. that had changed me a lot ..!

where can i find happiness ?? ... I should continue teaching.. once i stop teaching, my confidence level drops down significantly ..! thats what happening to me right now .. !

By the way i screwed up my internship, i think that is also affecting me ..!


wish i had a time machine .. to jus go back a few months ..! i definitley needed to undo certain things..
i know i made some mistakes.. i want to correct it before it gets worse..


i should have said NO to being the coordinator of Rajagiri National Business Quiz
i should have not applied when the internship offer for Stellar came up .
I should have sat through for the Tata Elxsi internship which came soon after that.
I should have gone for the BPCL internship which was readily available.


The only thing which makes me feel good about is the NGO that we have formed .. and when i hate it when i get to hear that i have no class ..!


Things are not Adding up for me .. I'm not in the peaceful state of mind..! I get a feeling that i;m losing control of myself